Collide
by kartronthepegasus
Summary: Spock loves Kirk and Kirk loves Spock. Pretty straight froward, right? Well, this is my story of how the two began/ and continue their relationship. First time Spirk and first time Star trek. This is a song fic but I didn't put the lyrics into the story.


**Collide**

 **Disclaimer** **\- I own nothing from Star Trek. The characters belong to Gene Roddenberry and Paramount.**

 **Hey everyone, here is another Star Trek fanfiction. This one is a song fic. Though I'm not putting the lyrics in the story I am following them as best I can and keeping the characters a close to themselves as possible. You will have to see if you can figure out which parts I am referencing in the story and as a side note; the 'song' switches points of view between Kirk and Spock in different parts and I wonder if you tell which part of the story, 'song' is for which character.**

 **The song Collide is by Howie Day, which every time I listen to it I instantly think of Kirk and Spock (Spirk). This song is perfect for them if you ask me.**

 **Anyways, hope you enjoy the story.**

* * *

 **Collide**

The alarm blares loudly and with a groan he reaches over to turn it off before moving to climb out of the bed and get ready for the day. He barely moves an inch when a low growl sounds from behind him and he is pulled by the warm, steel arm around his waist back into the bed and the hard chest of his partner. He chuckles lowly and glances at the head of black hair snuggled into his back with an affectionate smile.

Though he knows it will be futile he attempts again to move only for the same result to happen and the arm to tighten to an almost painful point. "Spock," he calls gently knowing the Vulcan is not a morning person. A fact he still finds hilarious considering Spock is always a half hour early for alpha shift despite how long it takes him to actually wake up. "I need to get ready for alpha shift."

"Rai." He replies sleepily snuggling closer to Kirk.

"Come on Spock." Kirk fights against the iron strong arm around his waist for a few minutes before he finally manages to escape and climb free of the bed. He watches in amusement as Spock searches for him for a couple of minutes before flipping over in the bed to face the wall and pulling the covers more securely around himself, burying his face in the pillows.

Rolling his eyes Kirk moves quickly into the bathroom and takes a short sonic shower, changes into his uniform and with one more glance at Spock he leaves the room. Part of him is jealous of the fact that Spock has beta shift today but quickly pushes that thought from his mind. He climbs into the turbolift and hits the button for the bridge.

As he waits for the lift to take him to his destination he can't help but think of how his relationship with Spock had begun. In all honesty, they had been dancing around this for months before actually becoming lovers. Kirk still finds it ironic that they had gone from rivals to lovers and pretty much glossed over the _'friends'_ part of their relationship which was the part Spock Prime had said would define them both. Though if you asked anyone not in the alpha team (which means Bones, Scotty, Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov) the two were still only friends and the alpha team pretends that they don't know the two are in a relationship.

Kirk can hardly believe that he and Spock have been in a relationship for five months now, the longest relationship he's _ever_ had.

* * *

 **Six Months Previous**

 _Kirk walks swiftly through the corridor towards sickbay with a frown on his face. He notices as people look at him with questioning brows as he brushes past them in his haste to get to his destination, to angry to care about anything else at the moment._

 _When he enters sickbay Nurse Chapel goes to greet him until she sees his expression and she quickly turns away from him trying to busy herself with something medical. Kirk marches right into Bones' office and watches as he friend straightens his hypo sprays._ "Hey Bones."

" **No."** _Bones hisses._

" _You don't even know what I'm going to say."_

" _You're here to complain about that damn hobgoblin." Bones says with a pointed glare. "So I say again; no." He goes right back to work and acts like Kirk isn't standing there. This goes on for maybe five minutes before he grumbles under his breath, "Dammit Jim. Take a seat."_

 _Kirk does so without complaint._

" _So what are you and the hobgoblin fighting about now?"_

" _Well," Kirk says as he feels the anger building in his chest again as he recalls what happened. "We got the debrief for the next mission and something about it didn't add up in my mind so I double checked with Uhura and Spock to double check things." He explains as he stares at the wall behind Bones. "It turns out I was_ _ **right**_ _and I wanted to call command and get a new briefing to make sure no one dies while we're planet side because we didn't have all the facts."_

" _Okay," Bones says as he crosses his arms. "What did you two idiots fight about?"_

" _Don't call me idiot."_

" _I only do when you deserve it." He smiles when Kirk glares at him. "So you were saying?"_

 _Kirk sighs and sags a little in the chair, "Spock decided at that moment to once again cite the damn regulations and that the fact calling Starfleet Command to yell at them wasn't fitting behaviour for a captain." He rolls his eyes. "I tried to calmly explain to him that it wasn't my intention to scream at them though I truly wanted to but I just wanted to get the proper briefing. He said with my history that it was, and I quote; it is highly improbable that you will be able to keep your emotions in check with the admiralty and do the logical thing."_

" _Sounds about right." Bones growls as he puts two glasses on the table and fills them with some alcohol from his emergency stash. "And I take it, you didn't handle the… assumption very well."_

" _Not particularly." He replies. "I reacted badly and we started screaming at each other, or at least Spock did the Vulcan equivalent to yelling and then…" Kirk trails off in a mumble._

" _What was that?"_

 _Kirk sighs heavily and takes a swig of his drink, "Then Uhura threatened to send us to our quarters without dessert. She said if we were going to argue like children on the bridge then we were going to be punished like children. Stop laughing Bones, it's not funny!"_

" _Sorry Jim." Bones says between his laughter. "But it's damn hilarious. Uhura is the best."_

" _I'll let her know."_

" _You're both idiots."_

" _Stop calling me that." Jim grumbles as he drops his head in defeat. Bones stops laughing and stares at him somberly._

" _You really do know how to pick 'em don't cha kid?" Kirk opens his mouth to say something, "Don't even try it Jim. I've been your friend for nearly four years now. I know you're in love with the Vulcan."_

 _Before Jim can say anything in reply his communicator chirps. With a heavy sigh he pulls it out of his pocket. "Kirk here."_

" _Keptin, we are approaching Cybecan." Comes Chekov's happy reply, the excitement in his voice obvious._

" _Right." Kirk says getting back into his 'captain' mode almost instantly. "Tell Giotto, Lester, and Doctor Maple to meet me at the transporter."_

" _Aye, aye Keptin."_

 _Kirk rises from his seat as he straightens his shoulders. "Duty calls." He begins to head to the door._

" _Jim." He stops and turns to face Bones once more. "You did get the proper briefing from Command, right?"_

" _What do you think Bones?" when he gets no answer he sighs again. "I called Pike on my way down here and he sent it to me just before I got to sickbay."_

" _Good. Now get going." He turns back to his work, "And be careful."_

" _When am I not?" Bones opens his mouth to reply- "Don't answer that." With that Kirk spins on his heel and hurries off to the transport room, strapping his holster to his hip with the phaser in its place. Entering the room he finds the team awaiting him and Scotty getting the transporter ready to beam them down. "Okay everyone," he says drawing their attention. "We are here to each and see if the dilithium deposits are there and if they are to send word back to Starfleet. It has been said that when others have visited this planet they have gone missing so we are also searching for any sign of what might have happened to them. From what Starfleet's information tells us, this planet seems to constantly be changing in ways they can't explain and we are to do nothing to disturb the planet. Understood?"_

" _Yes Captain!" they all reply._

" _Then let's go." Walking onto the transport pad he turns to face Scotty with the team following his lead when much to his surprise Spock comes marching in, his arms tucked behind his back as per usual and his science satchel over his shoulder. "Mr. Spock?"_

" _I am joining you Captain." He replies evenly._

" _No, you're not." Kirk growls with his eyes narrowing in anger. "You are in charge in my absence."_

" _With all due respect Captain," Spock returns with his tone still completely neutral, though his brow does raise slightly. "You are about to examine a planet where strange anomalies have been occurring for as long as the planet's existence has been known if not longer, which is highly probable. As chief science officer I am the most qualified for this mission to ensure the safety of everyone involved and that the prime directive is accomplished."_

 _Kirk can tell that Spock is waiting for him to argue as he normally would but he doesn't give him the satisfaction of it. "Very well Mr. Spock."_

" _Captain." With that Spock joins him on the transport pad, standing just to Kirk's left, his brow raising an inch or two higher. Kirk can practically see the question in his eyes but pointedly ignores it._

 _Scotty finishes whatever he is doing at the console and nods that he is ready._

" _Energize." Kirk says. As the lights engulf him and his molecules come apart Kirk can't help but wonder if he'll ever see that bright smile that Spock showed him last night during their chess game before he had the chance to school his face once more. With the way things were going between them however, he seriously doubted it._

* * *

Kirk shakes his head to clear the thoughts from his mind as the lift opens and he steps out onto the bridge which has only the few members from gamma shift still there. He heads swiftly over to his seat and sits down, pulling out the padd and double checking everything he missed during his sleep.

Shortly after his arrival Yeoman Rand comes onto the bridge with Uhura and she comes to his side as Uhura heads right to the communication station. "Good morning Captain."

"Yeoman," Kirk greets with a smile. He notices the faint blush that dusts over the woman's cheeks but pushes the thought from his mind. "Anything to report?"

"Yes Sir." She starts to explain everything to him and does so with an excited tone in her voice. He absorbs every detail and sorts the information according to importance and relativity. Once she's done she heads over to her station and begins to sort through the paper work that has already piled up in the few hours that the alpha crew had left shift.

He sighs and goes back to his emails, reading each one carefully. Maybe two hours later Spock comes onto the bridge dressed in his normal pristine science uniform, not a wrinkle in sight and his hands clasped behind his back. His brown eyes linger on Kirk for a fraction of a second before he walks to the science station to relieve the ensign sitting there now. The small brunette practically runs away like a teenage girl with a crush, which Kirk guesses she does. Who wouldn't have a crush on Spock?

Shaking that thought from his mind Kirk turns his attention back to his padd, completely missing the fact that Spock is watching him from the corner of his eye though it looks as if he is hard at work at his station, which is partially true.

* * *

 _The five appear on the planet that is almost like a habit in a zoo or something of the like as they look up at the pale, green sky above them and the purple colour of the grass and foliage. "Spread out but stay close." Kirk says sternly as he begins to examine the area. The others do the same thing with Spock staring intently at his scanner heading in the opposite direction of Kirk himself._

 _Rolling his eyes Kirk begins to look around once more. He is so wrapped in his exploration that he doesn't notice the rock jabbing out of the ground and ends up tripping over it and hitting the ground harder than he would have liked. Grumbling under his breath Kirk dusts himself off and gets to his feet once more._

" _Are you injured Captain?"_

" _I'm fine Mr. Spock."_

" _The term fine is ambiguous and does not help in determining your wellbeing."_

" _Thank you for that summary Mr. Spock, but as I have stated; I'm_ _ **fine**_ _." He goes back to his exploration and can feel Spock's eyes boring into the back of his head, doing his best to fight down the blush spilling over his cheeks and down his neck. Now was definitely not the time to be embarrassed or thinking about his feelings for Spock._

 _An hour flies by as they continue to scan the area and as his boredom begins to override his mind Kirk wanders closer to the cliff to gaze out at the vast forest on the other side of the chasm with the rapid river far below. He can't help the smile that spreads across his face at the sight._

 _This is why he became captain; soaring through the stars, adventure around every corner, helping people with their troubles and bringing peace, and exploring strange new worlds much like this one. It always excites him like a child on Christmas to see the many and different worlds that exist within this galaxy._

" _This is a strange plant." Doctor Maple remarks drawing Kirk's attention. His electric blue eyes widen when he realizes what she's about to do._

" _Doctor Maple, NO!" Kirk exclaims, everyone turning in his direction to see what the commotion is about._

 _His warning comes too late however and Maple uses a small laser to cut the plant from the ground and an ear shattering wail fills the air and echoes all around them as they all cover their ears in an attempt to drown it out. Despite his disorientation Kirk can plainly see that Spock is suffering the most from this horrible screech due to his more sensitive hearing and wishes greatly that he could do something to stop it just to ease Spock's discomfort._

 _Just as suddenly as it began the wails stop and it is deathly quiet. The team all struggle to regain their bearings as they struggle to get to their feet once more. Kirk notices right away that despite his attempts to appear unfazed by the noise Spock is clearly in a lot of pain._

" _What was that?" Lester asks as he inches closer to the others, Giotto and Maple following his lead._

" _I have no idea." Kirk answers honestly. "But it's not good. Any ideas Spock?" He focuses on the Vulcan, all anger from their earlier argument gone, replaced with fear and concern._

" _Negative Captain." He pause momentarily. "However, the sound started just as Doctor Maple cut the plant from its place so the only possibility is the wail belongs to a being on this planet that has a connection to its vegetation."_

" _I was afraid of that." Kirk spits as he reaches for his communicator._

 _Unfortunately, before he can even grasp it the ground shakes violently and everyone is thrown off their feet. The tremors continue for a few minutes before everything stills once more. Kirk looks at his team and sighs in relief when he sees they are all fine and are now picking themselves up off the ground. Kirk follows suit hesitantly._

" _Captain?"_

" _Yeah Spock?"_

" _If you could move from your current position… It would be most appreciated." Spock says with a little difficulty. Kirk raises a questioning brow and looks around himself and it takes him a minute to realize. He is still standing near the cliff edge, too close in fact and a part of Kirk wonders how he hadn't fallen off during the tremors but shakes the thought from his mind. He understands that this is very similar to how Spock had lost Amanda. He still vividly remembers when Spock had finally told him how she had died and his situation right now is a little too close for comfort._

" _Oh." Is his brilliant response. However, when he goes to take a step back towards his team the ground begins to shake once more, proving once again that trouble seems to find Kirk no matter where he is and even when he isn't looking for it._

 _The ground disappears from beneath his feet and he falls into the chasm._

" _CAPTAIN!" his team calls when he vanishes from view._

" _ **JIM!"**_ _he hears Spock, panic clear in his tone._

 _The last thing he remembers is the cold rush of water as he plummets into its depths and darkness engulfs him._

* * *

Spock sits at his station and continues to read the information presented to him on the screen and is doing his best not to glance at Kirk who is talking with Sulu and Chekov about some mundane, human topic he does not understand nor does he want to understand.

Even after being around humans for six point five two years now he still doesn't understand why they insist about talking about things that hold no importance in any situation. Kirk seemed to enjoy this type of conversation and no matter how much it perplexes him it does make him happy to see Kirk happy (even though he will never admit that aloud to anyone but Kirk, when they are alone).

He can also tell that though Kirk is lost in the conversation with the pilot and navigator he seems a little distracted at the same time. Spock can't help but wonder what Kirk is thinking about in that dynamic mind of his and if it might have something to do with him. He remembers how much that thought use to scare him but now… now he is- as illogical as it is- hoping that Kirk is thinking about him.

So lost in his thought he doesn't notice Uhura come up behind him, "Spock?"

Blinking once in surprise he turns to face her with a blank expression, "Yes Nyota?"

"Care to join me for lunch?" a careful smile forms on her face.

"That would be acceptable." He rises from his seat and walks with her to the lift, noticing from his peripheral vision that Kirk is watching him from his chair. Uhura and he climb into the lift and he folds his hands behind his back and waits for it to drop them off at their destination.

"So," Uhura starts as soon as the doors close. "How are things going with Kirk?"

He glances at her from the corner of his eye before returning his gaze to the wall in front of him, "Things are going adequately."

"Only _adequately_?" she questions with an amused smirk which he does best to ignore. "Though I still can't believe how much things have changed… How much Kirk has changed, I am happy for you two."

"Thank you." He says quietly. He is grateful for her support given that she is the only person he truly told about his relationship with Kirk, though he knows that she figured out before he told her but kept silent out of respect and loyalty to him. He also knows that Doctor McCoy is also aware of their relationship considering he is Kirk's best friend and the Captain told him without a doubt.

The pair disembark from the lift and walk silently towards the mess hall which is already filled with people.

Spock will admit only to himself that he too is surprised by how things have progressed between him and his Captain. He can't believe how much he has come to _love_ the illogical, impulsive human. His t'hy'la.

He still remembers when he first saw the young cadet when he took the Kobayashi Maru and cheated so obviously without a care in the world. He remembers the anger, hatred and lust that overwhelmed him at the time as he stared at the aesthetically pleasing cadet.

He remembers how much the human had irritated him during the trial. At the time he remembers how he wanted to knock the young cadet down a proverbial peg and used his deceased father just to wound him, something he deeply regrets now especially after losing his own mother.

"Spock?"

He snaps out of his thoughts and glances at Nyota who is holding her tray of food and is waiting for him to do the same. Moving swiftly he gets a bowl of plomeek soup from the replicator and follows Uhura to an empty table.

"Are you alright?"

"Indeed."

"You seem distracted by something." Uhura points out.

"And how have you come to this conclusion?" he asks tensely.

"Well, for starters you didn't notice when I approached you on the bridge." She says with an amused smile. "Secondly, you haven't heard me talking to you for several minutes now."

Spock can't stop the faint flush that dusts over his cheeks and the tips of his ears at her remarks, feeling very embarrassed at being caught so distracted during his shift. If anyone on New Vulcan heard about this they would be greatly disappointed in him (even if they would never say that since disappointment is an emotion).

"Is it Kirk?" Uhura asks.

"…Affirmative…" Spock answers after a few moments of hesitation. He knows if he lied about it Uhura would see right through him. The two had dated for two years and even after their relationship had reached its natural conclusion before the start of the Enterprise's five year mission the two have remained close friends. Uhura is the one he goes to for advice much like how Kirk goes to Doctor McCoy. "It is… unusual… but pleasing…"

"You really are made for each other." Uhura says with a laugh, her eyes alight with her joy.

"He is t'hy'la." He whispers so lowly he isn't certain Uhura heard but when he sees the knowing smile on her face he knows she did.

* * *

 _The ground continues to rumble and Spock quickly pulls out his communicator. "Mr. Scott we need an immediate extraction for four."_

" _Four?"_

" _Now, Mr. Scott." He says in a level and steady voice despite his internal panic. His dark brown eyes never leave the spot where Kirk had been standing even though the tremors make this difficult._

" _Aye, aye Commander."_

 _He wants to run to the cliff and search for his captain but knows that this is illogical and the only way they are going to get Kirk back is with the help of the Enterprise. So, despite how much he hates leaving Cybecan without his captain he realizes he has no choice if he wants to get Kirk back and to save the rest of the landing party._

 _The lights engulf his body and a second later he is standing in the transport room. He steps off the pad and begins to head down the hall towards the lift; "Mr. Giotto and Lester, return to your stations and prepare a search party and be prepared to move on my orders."_

" _Yes sir." They both salute him and disappear down the hall._

" _Doctor Maple," he has to fight down the urge to snarl at her since it was her fault this happened but he knows that it is illogical and wouldn't solve anything. "Bring your sample to the science labs and remain there until the end of your shift."_

" _Yes sir." She looks down at the plant she is still holding in her hands. "And Commander?"_

" _Yes?"_

" _I'm sorry."_

" _Apologies are not necessary." He replies as he normally does whenever someone says those words. Vulcan's don't believe in apologies._

 _The doctor nods numbly before she too disappears down the hall and around the corner. Spock climbs into the lift and directs it towards the bridge and waits rather impatiently for it to drop him off at his destination. It takes the same amount it always does but to Spock it feels twice as long. When the doors open he steps swiftly out of the lift onto the bridge._

" _Mr. Chekov," he says in a stern tone. "Scan the planet for any lifeforms that could be causing the seismic activity on the planet's service." Spock hears the 'yes sir' as he turns to face Uhura. "Lieutenant Uhura see if you can locate the Captain's communicator signal and if you find it notify me immediately."_

" _Yes Commander." She replies while turning back to her monitor. Spock moves to the captain's chair and opens a comm._

" _Bridge to Sickbay." Spock says in his usual monotone voice. "Doctor McCoy?"_

" _Spock." Comes the doctor's crisp reply._

" _Put the sickbay on standby. We are searching for the Captain and will need everything ready for when we find him." His heart beats painfully in his side as he recalls what happened 7.5 minutes ago._

" _Already done Mr. Spock." There is a short pause. "Bring him back alive hobgoblin."_

" _Understood. Spock out." As everyone goes about their work Spock stands beside the captain's chair and refuses to sit because it is not his chair and soon the Captain will be sitting in it once more. His hands are tightly clasped behind his back as he tries to fight down the panic that is threatening to overwhelm him right now. He can't help but notice how different the atmosphere on the bridge is without the captain, without Kirk there._

" _Commander," Chekov chimes after 13.5 minutes of working. "I have zound somezing."_

" _Report Ensign." Spock says as he moves closer._

" _Zere appears to be lifeforms all over ze planet." Chekov replies as he brings his finds up on the main screen for everyone to see. "I cannot find a single lifeform that is causing ze anomalies."_

" _That is because these are not individual lifeforms Mr. Chekov." Spock states drawing everyone's attention. "The entire planet_ _ **is**_ _a lifeform."_

* * *

Spock and Uhura continue talking through their lunch until it is time to return to the bridge. They are on their way to the lift when Doctor McCoy quite rudely pushes past them and climbs into the lift. With a raised brow and a confused expression respectfully Spock and Uhura join the grumpy doctor in the lift and stand there silently as it takes them to the bridge.

After a small eternity Uhura sighs and turns to face McCoy. "What's going on Leonard?"

"Nothing."

"Illogical." Spock chimes in. "If it was 'nothing' as you claim you would not be so dissatisfied."

"Thank you for your _logical_ observation Mr. Spock." McCoy grumbles before stepping off the lift onto the bridge and storming right up to Kirk who is still sitting in the Captain's chair but is now reading a padd. "Dammit Jim!"

"Hey Bones." Comes Kirk's distracted greeting, his sharp blue eyes never leaving the padd. "What's up?"

"Don't 'what's up' me Jim. How many damn times do I need to come and fetch you just to ensure you eat a damn meal?"

"That's nice."

McCoy starts bristling where he's standing and clenches his jaw while glaring down at his friend. "You're not even listenin' to me are ya?"

"Mm." is the only response he gets as Kirk continues reading. Spock, from where he is standing looks up at the ceiling and then back at the floor –the Vulcan equivalent of an eye roll- at Jim's behaviour. Sometimes the Captain can get so wrapped up in his work that he forgets to take care of himself. A trait that Spock admires and hates at the same time. He wants his t'hy'la to be in good health and sometimes the Captain isn't good at doing it himself (and that's ignoring how often the Captain puts his life in jeopardy while on mission) and that is another reason why Spock respects Doctor McCoy.

It is also why the two had a mutual understanding with each other. Since both Spock and McCoy care about Jim they both work hard to make sure the Captain is well taken care of and in good health. Even though neither would admit this to anyone, but Spock can guess that everyone already knows.

"Oh for the love of…" McCoy growls before grabbing Kirk by the gruff of his shirt and literally dragging him off the bridge much to the younger man's protests. Everyone laughs as the scene unfolds before them and Spock turns to his station, though his eyes are alight with his mirth.

"It's good to see that some things don't change." Uhura remarks with a giggle before heading back to her station as well.

Spock can't help but agree with her. Even though Kirk has grown a lot in the last year from that arrogant cadet he was he is still immature at times. In the last nine months Kirk had learned all the Starfleet regulations, improved his behaviour towards Starfleet Command and the admirals (though he still complains about them in private), stopped some of his reckless antics, stopped his drunken bar fighting, and stopped flirting/sleeping with everything that moves as the rumors use to say.

Though Spock has to say the thing that _'won him over'_ as the human saying goes would be the fact that Jim had worked so hard to build a friendship with him for no other reason than the fact that he wanted to. (Spock thinks his counterpart had something to do with it as well). Kirk had worked so hard to have a friendship with Spock when everyone else deemed it a useless endeavor.

The nightly chess games, the talks outside of work, taking the time to learn Vulcan so Spock will have someone to talk to (though Uhura is able to speak Vulcan as well), taking the time to actually get to know Spock and letting Spock get to know the real Jim, being mindful of the things that make Spock uncomfortable and trying to avoid them, and taking the time to try and include Spock in the activities the crew came up with.

It was all of these things and all the stuff that made Jim who he is that made Spock fall in love with the golden Captain and come to the realization that Jim was his t'hy'la.

* * *

 _'Four days.' Spock thinks distantly as he sits in_ _ **Kirk's**_ _chair as he waits for the team to report back to him with any news about his captain's whereabouts. His brows are furrowed in concern and for once Spock doesn't care about the obvious sign of his emotional distress. He has tried to meditate several times but has been unable to find the calm necessary due to the fear of not knowing where his captain is._

 _Every time he closes his eyes his perfect memory replays the scene of Kirk falling from the ledge and he can't help the guilt that is consuming him. He should have stayed by Kirk's side during the mission, he_ _ **should**_ _have moved the captain away from the cliff the moment he realized where the captain was standing, he_ _ **should**_ _have stopped Doctor Maple (who worked for him in the science labs and is therefore his subordinate) from removing that plant from the planet's surface, he_ _ **should**_ _have reached Kirk before he fell from the cliff._

 _Spock knows that these thoughts and feelings of guilt are illogical and that he can't change what was. Kaiidth. That the past cannot be changed (unless you have red matter and a black hole but that's a whole different story that Spock really doesn't want to think about)_ _and that he has to focus on what he can do now in the present. But knowing these things doesn't make it any easier to deal with the guilt and panic._

 _And it just feels so damn wrong to be sitting in_ _ **Kirk's**_ _chair because that is who should be sitting there. So, to try and keep his mind occupied Spock is going over the finds and scans of the planet and is writing up a report to send to Starfleet Command. Also, despite how illogical and inefficient it is; he is delaying sending the report for as long as possible so they don't have to report the fact that Kirk is missing as of right now._

 _He knows once Kirk is found (and he_ _ **will be**_ _found) the Enterprise will have to explain what happened and how the captain had been injured but Spock wanted to deal with all that when it came, not now when he still doesn't know where his Captain is or how bad his injuries are. (Spock isn't so far gone as to believe that when they do find Kirk he will be in perfect condition.)_

 _He is just about to ask Chekov and Sulu how their progress is coming when, "Commander Spock!" Uhura cries from her station. "I've found a Starfleet distress signal on the planet's surface."_

" _On Screen." Spock commands evenly despite his inner turmoil. A second later a red blip is on the screen over a map of the planet. His brown eyes memorize every detail. "Mr. Chekov, call Mr. Giotto, Mr. Lester and the rescue team and instruct them to meet me in the transport room. Lieutenant Uhura, send the nav point to my scanner."_

 _Both get to work on their orders as Spock makes his way to the turbolift with Uhura meeting him at the entrance, a look of determination on her face. "Go get him." She states._

 _Spock inclines his head slightly before climbing into the lift and heading to the transport room, his face carefully blank though his eyes dark with his determination. He arrives at his destination 3.45 minutes later and finds the rescue team and Doctor McCoy waiting for him. "Doctor." He greets with a raised brow._

" _You better bring him back Spock." McCoy hisses with a serious but concerned tone. Spock gives a quick nod before joining the team on the pad. The doctor steps up to Spock and gives him a handful of hypo sprays. "These are ones he's not allergic to…. Just bring him back_ _ **alive**_ _."_

" _I intend to do so Doctor." Spock answers. The two stare at each other for 10.34 seconds before McCoy finally backs away and Spock turns his attention to Mr. Scott, "Energize." The lights engulf him once more and he finds himself on the planet's surface again though in a different location than the first time._

 _They are standing next to a river near the end of the ravine they had been standing upon four days previous and now near what appeared to be some kind of forest however, Spock could care less. Pulling out his scanner Spock begins to follow the signal with the rescue team right behind him. Nothing is going to stop him from finding Kirk._

 _They walk for twenty point six five minutes following the river further from where they started until they find a communicator lying upon the stones that line the riverside. Spock kneels down and picks it up, turning off the distress signal as he does. He glances around before turning to face the rescue team. "Spread out and search the perimeter for any sign of the Captain."_

 _The security officers nod and begin to walk away in different directions. Spock glances around again and this time he spots a small cave thirteen steps away from his current position. Given everything else one would need to survive Spock knows anyone would need shelter so with long strides he walked towards the cave._

 _He barely steps into the dark, damp shelter when a phaser shot barely misses him and he steps back a step. When there is no second shot he moves forward again. "Captain?" he calls._

 _At first he is greeted by nothing but silence and then, "Ock?"_

 _The Vulcan takes another step forward and his heightened sight sees his captain slumped against the wall of the cave with one arm limp at his side and the other resting over his chest barely clutching his phaser, his glassy eyes half closed as he squints at Spock's general direction._

 _In two long, quick strides Spock is at Kirk's side and kneels beside him. He reaches into his satchel and pulls out the hypo sprays Doctor McCoy gave him and his tricorder as he begins to scan the captain over. Now that he is at his captain's side he sees the blue tinge that is colouring his lips and his fingers and how his normally golden skin is deathly pale. His gold tunic is ripped in several places and the right sleeve is completely ripped off and wrapped around the same arm as a bandage, stained red with his blood. There is also red dried in his greasy and dishevelled hair._

 _His blue eyes glance at Spock weakly and Spock can also tell that the human is struggling to breathe as well, "Hey." Kirk rasps._

" _Remain silent Captain."_

" _Slop givi… me orcers…" Kirk slurs as he leans closer to Spock's warmth. "C-cold Sock."_

" _I understand Captain. Now refrain from moving, you are injured." Spock replies as he gently jabs one of the hypos into Jim's neck. The Vulcan can't stop the small frown that marries his face when Kirk doesn't react at all to the hypo as he normally would. "We need to get you to the Enterprise, Captain."_

" _Sleep."_

" _Negative Captain."_

" _Hurts. Need… need sleep…" Kirk slumps against him again, his breathing even more ragged than before, worrying Spock further._

" _You must stay awake Captain." His words go unheeded as Kirk leans against Spock heavily and his eyes drift closed._

" _Commander?" Mr. Giotto calls from the opening._

" _I have located the Captain." Spock answers as he gathers Kirk into his arms, being mindful of his injuries. "Call the Enterprise for immediate extraction."_

" _Yes sir." The ensign replies as he pulls out his communicator. The other security officers join them soon after as the group together in the clearing._

 _Two point four seven minutes later they are engulfed by the lights of the transporter and reappear on the Enterprise._

* * *

An hour later Kirk returns to the bridge and the rest of alpha shift goes by without any problems. The replacements arrive and relieve their alpha counterparts and Spock and Kirk look at each other, a smirk dancing across Jim's face as the Captain leaves the bridge with Chekov and Sulu.

With the captain gone Spock is able to focus once more on his work and does so without any interruptions for the last two hours of his shift. And when his replacement comes he swiftly and silently leaves the bridge and heads to rec room six, going off the assumption that his captain and the others are there doing something they call amusing (though Spock doesn't always agree with that assessment.)

Just as he predicted he finds Kirk, Chekov and Sulu sitting in the rec room with Scott and McCoy now with them, all of them holding a glass of some kind of alcoholic beverage. Spock raises a questioning brow and walks closer.

"Okay, your turn Pavel." Sulu says.

"Okay, okay." The young man stops to think of something. "I have never… Slept with a superior officer…"

At that Kirk, Sulu and Scott all take a drink. Spock's brow moves higher. The Captain notices Spock as he lowers his drink. "SPOCK!" he exclaims while throwing his arms in the air with a lopsided grin.

"Captain." He greets, his hands folded behind his back.

"It's Jim," Kirk says with a laugh. "I'm not on duty right now."

"Which is a good thing at the moment." McCoy replies with a roll of his eyes.

"Probly."

" _Probably_ , Cap- Jim." Spock corrects automatically.

"Yeah that." Kirk laughs.

"What are you doing?" Spock finally asks.

"We're playing I have never." Sulu answers. "Basically, we go around the table and each say a statement of something we haven't done and if you have done the thing they said you take a drink."

"The Cap'n's had the most drinks so far." Scott states with a laugh.

"Shut up." Kirk grumbles before turning his attention to Spock. "Would you like to join us Spock?"

"Negative."

"Oh come on Spock." Kirk pleads. "It's fun!"

"Illogical Jim."

"Of course it is." McCoy growls. "Let's just get this over with. Scotty, your turn."

"Right." The engineer thinks for a moment. "I have never had sex with a diplomat." At this Kirk and McCoy both take a drink. Scott laughs as he looks at the doctor. "I suspected the Cap'n but you Doc?"

"No comment."

"OH!" Kirk chimes. "I remember that… It was-"

"Dammit Jim! Shut up!" McCoy grumbles with a heavy frown upon his face as he glares at the captain. "My turn." He stops talking as Spock sits in the empty chair next to Kirk. "You're joining us now?"

"Negative. I am merely observing."

"Party pooper." Spock raises a questioning brow at the Captain's words. "Join us."

"Negative."

"Come on!"

"Negative."

"Please." Kirk pouts.

"Your 'pout' is not as good as Mr. Chekov's." Everyone laughs at that while Kirk feigns being hurt.

"You wound me Spock."

"Illogical. I have done you no physical harm Cap- Jim."

"Anyways!" McCoy interjects. "My turn. I have never defaced public property." After he finishes his statement Kirk, Scott and Sulu all take a drink. "I didn't expect you Mr. Sulu."

The pilot shrugs, "I was young and drunk."

"Here! Here!" Kirk cheers.

"I believe you are drunk Keptin."

"Am not."

"I have to agree Jim."

"Mutiny!" Kirk exclaims loudly while pointing his fingers at Spock and Chekov. "You are trying to take my ship!"

"Negative Captain." Spock answers. "I have no desire to captain the Enterprise."

"It's all in your drunk mind Cap'n."

Jim glares at them. "You are the most mutinious crew ever!"

"Mutinous." Spock corrects, the corner of his lips twitching slightly at his captain.

"Quiet you!" the captain snaps with a playful smirk upon his face. "You are trying to steal my ship!"

"Negative Jim."

"Liar!"

"For the love of-" McCoy growls as he pushes away from the table and grabs Kirks arm. "Let's go Jim. You are too damn drunk for this. How do you keep talking me into playing this damn game?!"

"It's a gift."

"Clearly." McCoy wraps an arm around Kirk and slings Kirk's arm around his shoulders as the Captain slumps against him and begins to lead him out of the room.

"I love ya Bones."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." The doctor grumbles as he leads Kirk out of the room. Spock clenches his hands under table to keep from going after the doctor and pulling Kirk away from the doctor in a violent manner. (Throw the doctor away violently, he would be gentle with Kirk of course.)

"Every time." Sulu chuckles. The navigator and pilot get up from their seats and begin a debate over which is better; ninjas or samurais.

Scott stretches and leaves. "In case you are wondering; every time we play this game the Cap'n drinks more than the rest of us and the doc has to carry him back to his quarters because he gets slobbering drunk."

"Indeed?"

"Yeah, sometimes we pick statements we know Kirk will have to drink to just to screw with the Cap'n." Scott says with a shrug. "Makes life interesting. Anyways, good night Mr. Spock."

"The same to you." Spock replies as he rises from his seat and strolls away, heading right to the lift so to get to the quarters he _shares_ with his captain, his t'hy'la.

* * *

 _"It's not good." Doctor McCoy admits as he glances at the padd in his hand._

" _Explain." Spock keeps his hands clasped behind his back and his shoulders straight as he stares at the drawn curtain that is concealing his captain from view._

 _McCoy heaves a heavy sigh. "Well, I have healed his head wound and reset his arm but he also has two broken ribs, a concussion, and to top it off he got some sort of parasitic infection from the water and like everything else he is allergic to the antibiotics so he has to fight it on his own so he has a high fever and the parasite has affected his lungs making breathing really difficult for him."_

" _How long will it take for him to recover?"_

" _I honestly don't know Spock." McCoy sighs again and heads over towards his office. "Right now I'm just hoping he can fight off the damn fever." Spock continues to stand in place until he can't bear it anymore and turns on his heel._

" _You will inform me of any changes."_

" _Yeah, I will." McCoy answers. Satisfied with his reply Spock flees (there is no other word for it) from the room and goes back to the bridge to fulfill his duties as acting captain. He can tell everyone wants to ask him questions about the captain but they refrain from doing so and continue with their work._

 _After informing Starfleet Command of the situation the admirals order the Enterprise on light patrol duty and to make their way to star base 7. Spock, after being sure of everything is on track goes back to filling out his mission report and checking those of the rescue team. Unfortunately, though work distracts him for a while when the end of shift comes Spock can't supress his need to see his Captain any longer._

 _So, in a calm but swift manner he makes his way back down to sickbay and walks right to Kirk's bed. His dark eyes gaze shifts to the monitors that show the Captain's stats and can't stop the frown that crosses his face. He shifts his gaze back to Jim's face and the illogical impulse to remove the oxygen mask from his beautiful face bubbles up inside him but he clenches his hands behind his back instead._

 _He stands there silently just watching Kirk's face with concerned eyes and is so wrapped in his musings he doesn't hear McCoy come up behind him. "If you're that worried you can sit there."_

" _Thank you." Spock replies automatically while shifting to sit in the chair beside Kirk's bed, his eyes never leaving his captain's face. "How is he?"_

" _No change." McCoy answers as he checks the screens and jots down some information on his clipboard before pulling a hypo spray from his pocket and gently jabbing it into Kirk's neck. The young captain groans and tries to move away but stays unconscious. "And this fever isn't getting any better."_

" _Is there anything that can be done for him?"_

" _Other than what I've already done?" McCoy growls, but then sighs. "No Spock. We have to wait for him to pull through on his own." Spock nods at that and the two are silent for a small interval before McCoy heads to the exit. "I have to make the rounds. Call me if anything changes."_

" _Affirmative." With that the Doctor is gone and Spock sits there and watches Kirk silently. After a short hesitation on his part Spock reaches out and takes Jim's hand in his own, flinching slightly at the pain he feels from the Captain doesn't release the limb._

 _Fifteen point four three minutes pass until he hears shuffling behind him and he quickly withdraws his hand as nurse Chapel comes in from behind the curtain. She blinks in surprise when she spots Spock. "Commander?" she questions, "I didn't know you were here."_

 _He notices the slight pink tinge her skin takes on while she double checks the monitors and fixes the sheet. "I came to check on the Captain."_

" _You two are good friends, aren't you?" she asks absently. Her eyes widen when she realizes what she said. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked."_

" _The captain and I are friends." He answers. Chapel smiles and nods her head slightly before heading towards the exit._

" _Call me if you need anything."_

" _That is acceptable." Spock answers. Once she is gone he watches Kirk for another 20.02 minutes before crossing his legs and closing his eyes to enter the lightest state of meditation._

 _About two hours pass as he meditates when he hears a loud gasp and the ferocious beeping of the heart monitor. His eyes open and he is surprised to see that Jim is awake and his eyes are frantically searching his surroundings, trying to figure out where he is. He stands from his seat and moves into Kirk's line of sight. "Jim." He says softly._

 _Kirk's eyes immediately land upon him and his heart rate slows slightly. "Spock." He gasps, his voice barely above a whisper. "Where-"_

" _You are aboard the Enterprise Jim." He answers calmly. "I have to inform the doctor that you are awake." Walking swiftly he walks over the McCoy's office and steps inside as soon as the door opens to allow him entrance._

 _McCoy is lying on the couch and has his arm over his eyes as he continues his fitful sleep. He clenches his hands behind his back. "Doctor." He calls out as firmly as he can. It takes a minute but McCoy sits up while he swears under his breath._

" _What?"_

" _The Captain is awake." Instantly McCoy is on his feet and follows him back to Jim's bed. Spock furrows his brows when he sees Jim is trying to remove his oxygen mask. Without thinking about the action Spock reaches out and takes Kirk's hand in his own. "Leave the mask alone Captain. You are unable to breath on your own and the mask is delivering the oxygen your lungs needs."_

" _Don't want it."_

" _Dammit Jim." McCoy hisses, but there is concern in his voice. "You nearly die and are barely awake and you're already causing problems."_

" _Sorry." Jim answers, not looking sorry in the least. Kirk shifts his blue eyes to Spock. "How's the ship?"_

" _Everything is adequate Captain." Kirk gives him a weak smile. Realizing he is still holding Jim's hand Spock releases it and folds his hands behind his back again. "You must focus on recovering Captain."_

" _Understood Commander." Kirk laughs but it turns into a coughing fit and McCoy has to help Kirk sit up until he is able to breathe again._

" _I must return to my duties Captain." Spock states while backing up. "I shall return after shift."_

" _Thanks Spock."_

" _Thanks are unnecessary Captain. Doctor." He inclines his head before spinning on his heel and leaving the room, doing his best to suppress the emotions threatening to overwhelm him at the moment._

* * *

Spock steps off the lift and nearly collides with the doctor as he goes to step on. McCoy grumbles under his breath and moves around Spock and climbs into the lift. The door begins to slide shut but McCoy reaches out to stop it and glares at Spock. "Don't let him do anything stupid, you green-blooded hobgoblin."

"Understood." With that McCoy releases the door and Spock continues to his and Jim's quarters. Once inside he can instantly see Jim lying face down on the bed even in the dim light. "Jim?" he calls.

Kirk groans in response. "No lectures… Bones already… g-gave me one…" he slurs as he turns his head slightly to gaze at Spock.

The Vulcan stride over and kneels down next to the bed. Without a word he takes off Kirk's boots and puts them neatly at the end of the bed. When he turns to Kirk once more he notices that the captain is watching him. "Jim?"

"I could have done that?" he asks more than states.

"I do not mind assisting." Spock sits on the edge of the bed next to Kirk who turns on his side to face him better.

"Do you wanna?"

"Do I want to what?" Spock watches as Kirk gives him _that_ look and releases a breath of air, the Vulcan equivalent of a sigh. "You are incorrigible."

This earns him a laugh from Kirk who sits up and wraps his arms around Spock's neck, nuzzling into his shoulder. "You knew that about me."

"Indeed."

"So can we make love now?"

"No." Spock says as he detangles himself from Kirk and moves him to lie down in the bed properly. "You are inebriated and I will not take advantage of you."

"But I'm offering!" Spock just looks down at his captain with a neutral expression. Kirk pouts again. "You're no fun."

"Indeed." He tucks the blanket around Kirk and rises from the bed. "Now sleep."

"Join me."

"After I finish my work." Kirk groans but settles down in the sheets as Spock walks over to the desk and begins to work on his report and double checking Kirk's though he knows he doesn't need to do that anymore. Thirty point six minutes later he rises from the seat and changes into the standard pajamas before walking towards the bed. When he gets there he finds that Kirk is sound a sleep with a gentle smile upon his face, that unlike when he is awake is completely worry free, almost peaceful.

Sliding into the bed Spock wraps the blankets around his form, he isn't surprised when Kirk instantly shifts closer to him and snuggles into his warmth. A smile forms on his face, "Goodnight t'hy'la."

* * *

 _A few days have passed and the Enterprise was now making its way to the fifth quadrant for the light patrol they have been assigned to while the captain's recovering. The crew is still impressed (though they really shouldn't be) that McCoy convinced the medical staff of star base seven and command to allow Kirk to stay aboard the Enterprise. As he so eloquently put it, 'only he knew how to take care of the captain's unique body and all his reactions to every damn thing'. And he also stated that 'he is Kirk's attending doctor because he is the_ _ **only**_ _one capable of keeping the crazy captain alive'._

 _As of right now the senior crew is sitting in the mess hall enjoying their meal and chatting about anything and everything when McCoy comes tearing through the room and cursing under his breath. "I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him." He chants over and over._

 _Spock seamlessly stands from his seat and walks swiftly after the doctor with the others following suit. "What is the problem Doctor?"_

 _McCoy kept on walking as if he hadn't spoken at all and Spock raises a brow, glancing back at the others who all look baffled. With a sigh of frustration Uhura storms ahead and blocks McCoy's path, because of this McCoy nearly runs her over._

" _Dammit all, Nyota!" he curses. Uhura just crosses her arms and glares at him._

" _What's going on Leonard?"_

 _The doctor sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose, "Jim snuck out of sickbay again and now I have to go around this entire damn ship trying to find the moron!"_

 _Spock's brow raises an inch higher. "The Captain is missing?"_

" _I just said that you damn pointy eared bastard!"_

 _Without a word Spock turns on his heel and walks down a different hall._

" _Mr. Spock?" Scotty calls after him only to be ignored as the Vulcan keeps walking._

" _Are all men this stubborn?" Uhura grumbles as she hurries after Spock. "And you two stop laughing!" She calls back at Sulu and Chekov who are failing horribly at covering up their chuckles even as the two trail after the retreating woman._

 _Scotty and McCoy glance at each other before the engineer shrugs and quickly chases after everyone else. The doctor growls, "Is anyone going to tell me what is going on?" He then starts heading down the hall he had been heading down but stops, grumbles again before spinning around and following the rest of them._

 _Spock continues at a steady pace down the hall until he reaches observation deck 7. As soon as the door slides open he steps inside and just as he predicted Kirk is sitting on the bench surrounded by a bunch of padds and reading one intently, he also has a portable oxygen tank next to him and an oxygen mask around his neck. Even from where he is standing (and even if his sight wasn't as good as it is) Spock can still see the slight blue tinge to the captain's lips and can hear his laboured breaths._

 _Spock stays near the door and folds his hands behind his back. "Captain."_

" _Spock." Kirk greets without looking up from the padd._

" _You left sickbay without permission while you are still recovering from your injuries and infection." He raises a brow when his captain gives no reply. "Doctor McCoy is currently searching for you. Would you explain this course of action?"_

" _I was bored and wanted to catch up on ship stuff." Kirk says with a shrug before turning his attention to Spock, his blue eyes filled with anger and hurt. "And why do you care?"_

" _Captain?"_

" _Since your first visit six days ago-"_

" _Six point four two days." Spock corrects automatically. A second later he realizes that this was probably a mistake when Kirk's glare darkened._

" _Since your visit_ _ **six point four two**_ _days ago you haven't been by to see me while everyone else stops by at least once a day. Even Uhura, who I still am on thin ice with." Guilt bubbles up in Spock's chest at his words though he knows it is illogical. "And even when they tried to remove me from the ship when we docked at the star base you weren't anywhere to be seen."_

" _Doctor McCoy had everything under control."_

" _Well," Kirk says slowly, "Did you ever stop to think that maybe I_ _ **wanted**_ _you to be there? That maybe I_ _ **wanted**_ _to have my friend by my side even if only for a few minutes in between his duties as acting captain?"_

"… _Jim… I…" Spock had no idea what to say to that since he knows he has been avoiding Kirk because he was ashamed by his feelings and he wanted time to collect himself. Before he could say anything however McCoy comes storming in._

" _Dammit Jim!"_

" _Hey Bones." Kirk says with that lopsided grin of his, though it didn't reach his eyes like it normally would._

" _Don't 'hey Bones' me, kid. Why are ya so damn stupid?"_

" _Don't call me stupid." At that moment a fit of coughs wracks his frame and McCoy quickly helps him put the mask back on. Once his breathing regulates the doctor helps the stubborn captain to his feet and guides him out of the room, past the still silent Spock._

 _Once they are gone Uhura makes the others return to duty before she comes up to Spock's side and stands beside him, folding her hands behind her back just like him. They stand silently for a few minutes. "Is there something you need Nyota?"_

" _You should tell him."_

" _Explain."_

" _Oh, don't even try to use that Vulcan idiocy on me!" She exclaims while crossing her arms and turning to face him with a heated glare. "You_ _ **love**_ _Kirk. You know it just as well as I do and if you don't tell him soon it's going to destroy everything you two have built over the past six months, considering you're avoiding him and he_ _ **knows**_ _something is bothering you." She sighs slightly, "And he thinks he did something to upset you."_

 _Spock remains silent for a long moment and Uhura is just about to reach up and slap him (though she knows it won't do much good considering Vulcan strength to humans) when Spock turns to face her directly._

" _I believe you are correct Nyota." The corner of his lip tugs upward for the briefest second. "Thank you."_

" _You're welcome." She turns and heads towards the door. "Now, we better get back to the bridge and finish our shift."_

" _Agreed." Spock catches up to Uhura and the two return to the bridge and talk about work, just enjoying the other's company._

* * *

Since it is their day off Spock allows Jim to sleep in and just sits at the desk enjoying his tea. He reads through the many messages he's received through the night and replies to the ones that need a reply. He is just about to get another cup of tea when a groan comes from the sleeping section of the room.

Rising gracefully to his feet he walks over to the bed and finds Jim sitting up and rubbing his head. "Jim."

"My head is killing me."

"That is what happens when humans intake too much alcohol."

"Thank you for that lesson Mr. Spock." He throws his legs over the side of the bed and gets up hesitantly before making his way to the bathroom. Spock watches his progress and once he hears the shower running he walks over to the replicator and makes all of Jim's _'morning hangover'_ food as the human liked to call them and a cup of coffee.

Jim emerges from the bathroom only a minute later and smiles when he sees the food waiting for him, still running the towel over his damp hair. "Thanks Spock."

"Thanks are not necessary Jim." The two enjoy their breakfast silently for about thirty minutes before the door chimes. Spock rises to answer the door.

"Bet'cha I know who that is."

Spock opens the door to reveal McCoy who rudely pushes his way past Spock and immediately heads to Kirk's side. "Morning Jimbo."

"Score one for me."

"But you never stated who it was at the door, so therefore you do not get a _'point'_ Jim." Spock counters as he returns to his seat.

"I knew who it was and I know _you_ know I knew who it was and I was right."

"If you say so Jim."

"Moving on." McCoy interjects. "How's the hangover Jim?"

"Fine I guess." Kirk goes back to eating his food and does his best to ignore the tricorder near him at the moment. He can see, though Spock is trying to hide it, the amusement dancing in his dark brown eyes as he sips his tea quietly.

"Headache?"

"Not really."

"Nausea?"

"No."

"Any symptoms?"

"Not really."

"I give up." McCoy growls as he stands up and heads for the door. "I have to get ready for alpha shift because unlike you two, I have to work today."

"Have fun Bones."

"Shut up Jim." The doctor snarls just before the door slides shut in his hasty exit.

"It is a wonder how you two ever became friends." Spock teases, well aware of the entire story and also knowing how much the two actually care about each other (even if the doctor continuously denies it).

"Same could be said about us."

"We are not friends." Spock begins to tidy up the plates.

"You're right, we're not." Jim follows behind the Vulcan and waits until he puts the plates down and turns back around before kissing him passionately. Spock is stunned for a millisecond before kissing back with just as much fervor.

Their tongues battle for dominance until Kirk moves his hand from Spock's neck, down his arm and finds his hand. He joins his two fingers with Spock's in the Vulcan kiss, surprising said Vulcan enough for him to win their little battle.

Spock growls slight and spins them around before pinning Kirk to the wall behind him and containing his hands above Kirk's head with one of his own. His captain made a noise of protest that the Vulcan doesn't take into account.

The kiss lasts for a few more minutes until Spock pulls away and rests his forehead against Jim's while they both gasp for some much needed air. Jim chuckles lightly and nips Spock's nose before whispering, "We are t'hy'la."

"Yes." Spock agrees before leaning in for another kiss.

* * *

 _Another two point three days pass and though Spock attempted to visit Kirk and speak with him there was always someone else there when he arrived so he would leave without making his presence known. (And if he was being completely honest with himself; he was being a coward.)_

 _He knows he has to tell Kirk the truth and he wants to tell his captain of his affection but he has no idea how to do that, or if Kirk will accept his feelings, or if it will destroy their friendship. A friendship Spock valued above all else and couldn't bear to lose. But he wanted to be more than friends._

 _So finally, after discovering that McCoy had released the captain to his quarters as long as Kirk remained there until officially released by McCoy Spock heads directly there after his shift and now stands before the door, his hands clenched behind his back._

 _After a short pause he reaches forward and presses the chime. His thoughts are all over the place (something he is not use to) and his heart slams painfully in his side but he keeps his face neutral._

" _Come in." Comes Kirk's muffled reply and after taking a deep breath to try and calm himself Spock steps into the room._

 _Instantly he spots his captain sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee and a padd in hand, his portable oxygen tank nearby. He is pleased to see that there is no longer a blue colouring to Kirk's lips though his breathing is still a little ragged._

 _Kirk looks up and stares up at Spock in obvious surprise, and though he tries to hide it there is also joy in his eyes. "Spock."_

" _Captain." Spock inclines his head before the silence engulfs them once again. After a few minutes Spock straightens his posture even further and clenches his hands. "If I could have a moment Jim, there is something I wish to discuss with you. However, if you are busy I could return later."_

" _No." Kirk answers, a little bit surprised that Spock used his name without him asking him to do so. "Now's fine." He puts the padd and the mug down and rises from the couch, albeit unsteady at first but moves closer to the Vulcan. "What's up?"_

" _First, I would like to apologize for my behaviour since you awoke." Spock states. "Your absence affected the crew, myself included and once you were returned and in such a state I found that it… discomforted me… So, I tried to preoccupy myself with my duties without taking into account how this would affect you. I am sorry for any… pain… I caused you."_

 _A hesitant but genuine smile appears on Kirk's face as he takes another step closer to Spock. "It's alright Spock. I know you didn't do it on purpose and I shouldn't have said what I did the other day. I just got frustrated and upset and I took it out on you. I'm sorry to."_

" _Apologies are not necessary Jim."_

" _If you're apologizing for your behaviour then I am as well."_

" _If that is what you wish."_

" _It is." Kirk smiles again, that same lopsided grin that suits him so well. "Now, was that all or there something else? Because if that was it I would love a game of chess if you're up to it." He walks over slowly to retrieve the board from his shelf behind the desk._

" _Actually, Jim," Spock says causing Kirk to stop and turn back to face him, now standing near the middle of the living and office area, "There is something else."_

" _Okay, shoot."_

 _Spock raise a brow. "I do not have my phaser nor do I have any reason to-"_

" _I meant go ahead Spock." Kirk interrupts with a chuckle._

"… _I am not quite sure… I do not know how to say what I wish to say." Concern clouds Jim's face as he looks at Spock._

" _ **You**_ _being at a loss for words!" he exclaims. "This can't be good."_

" _It is nothing negative Jim… I just do not know how you will react nor how it will affect our professional and personal relations." Spock shifts his gaze to the wall just left of where Jim is standing._

" _Okay, now I'm even more worried." Kirk crosses his arms and looks directly at Spock. "What's going on Spock?"_

" _Jim… I…" His brown eyes lock onto Jim's blue ones as he walks closer to the human who in turn backs up until he collides with the desk and nearly tumbles to the ground but Spock steadies him._

" _Spock?" Kirk swallows past the lump in his throat when he sees the blatant display of emotions in Spock's eyes, though he can't tell which emotion is which because they change so quickly._

" _Jim…" Spock swallowed. "Jim, you… I… taluhk nash-veh k'dular."_

 _Jim's eyes widened and his mouth drops open. "You… you… But I thought… I…"_

 _Deep inside Spock found amusing that the normally arrogant captain James T. Kirk who could talk his way out of a shootout (and had done so on several occasions) was at a loss for words but at the moment fear and nervousness was the dominant thing he was feeling._

 _As the silence continued Spock could not stop the hurt that pushed past his mental barriers from the inside and pulled away from Kirk swiftly, "I was mistaken in this matter, Captain." He straightens his barely wrinkled uniform, "I wrongly assumed that out relationship had gone, by human standards, beyond that of Captain and subordinate."_

" _Spock-"_

" _I will correct my behaviour accordingly, Captain, and I advise that you and_ _ **I**_ _forget the events that have just transpired between us."_

" _No, Spock. Would you just-"_

" _I apologize, Captain, for my lapse in judgement." Spock continues and begins to move towards the door. "Please see fit to act accordingly and punish this insubordinate-"_

" _Would you just shut up and let me_ _ **talk**_ _dammit!?" Kirk finally shouts before grabbing Spock by the arm and spinning the Vulcan back around to face him._

 _Spock didn't have to reply to that as one hand clamped down on the back of his neck, pulling him closer as another went to the small of his back. Before he can even register what is happening Kirk's lips meet his own in a desperate kiss that grew wilder with each passing second._

 _Not allowing himself time to think Spock returned the kiss with just as much enthusiasm as his hands moved to hold Kirk in place._

 _It was incredible._

 _And then it was over._

 _Kirk pulls away abruptly and pushes away from Spock to step back a step. His breathing is laboured and he tugs at the collar of his black undershirt as if the fabric is suffocating him._

" _Spock, I didn't mean- Shit! I know you don't like being touched and I just- Shit!" He turns away from Spock. "I'm sorry!"_

" _Jim." Spock calls gently. "Your touch will never be unwelcome to me."_

 _The captain turns around to face him slowly, panic still clear on his face. "But- You have always pulled away from everyone's touch and I know you just said that you 'cherish' me but then you immediately tried to back out of it and I mean you have never shown any interest in me before so I just assumed that my feelings for you were unrequited and that we would only be friends. And then I just up and kissed you out of nowhere! And I have no idea how-"_

 _He was cut off determinedly when Spock pushed him back roughly against the wall by the door and pressed their lips together in a claiming kiss. Kirk makes a muffled noise of protest that isn't taken into consideration as he feebly pushes against Spock's chest. The Vulcan held him easily, using only about a third of his formidable strength to keep the stubborn human pinned while taking both of Kirk's hands and pinning them above his head with one of his while his newly freed hand trails down to cup Kirk's jaw and his curl in the man's blonde locks._

 _Jim releases a shuddering breath that Spock takes full advantage of to tilt his head to the perfect angle to fit against Jim's lips as he tongue slides into the human's mouth. His hands twitched as he fought to free them just to touch, feel Spock but the Vulcan would have none of it, keeping him efficiently caged to the wall with his hands and body, proving to his stubborn captain who was in control of this kiss._

 _Kirk is beginning to feel dizzy when Spock finally pulls back to allow them both some much need air and leans his forehead against Kirk's, watching his captain with black eyes. "I believe this proves my affection for you, Jim."_

" _You asshole." Kirk curses but his smile contradicts his words. "…I love you…"_

 _Spock blinks once and then again. "And I, you, t'hy'la."_

 _It is Kirk's turn to blink this time. "T'hy'la? What does that mean?"_

" _It has no definitive translation." Spock answers, a light green tinge to his cheeks and ears. "But the most common are; friend, brother, and lover."_

 _A slow smile spreads across Jim's face and lights it up in a way Spock has never seen before. "I think we should move this over to the bed." He says right before kissing Spock again._

 _While moaning into the kiss Spock wraps his arms around Kirk's waist and makes his way towards the bed, Kirk's legs wrapping around his waist in turn. Neither of them break the kiss as Spock carefully puts Jim down on the bed and climbs on top of him._

* * *

Spock stares down at the human nestled into his side with his face buried in the crock of his neck with a raised brow. "What is so amusing Jim?"

"Nothing."

"Illogical." The Vulcan returns. "Clearly something is on your mind."

"Can't you tell through the bond?"

"I wish to hear you say it yourself." This earns him another laugh from Kirk who snuggles closer to Spock and wraps his arms tighter around his waist.

"I was just thinking of the night this whole relationship started."

"You ended up having to return to sickbay because you overworked yourself and did not inform me of the fact you were struggling to breathe."

"I wasn't thinking about that." Kirk grumbles. "Though, _now_ I am." He is silent for a few minutes. "I was thinking about how we both blurted out our feelings and then tried to back out of it as if we hadn't just confessed our love to each other."

"I assumed you did not return my regard for you when you said nothing after three point seven eight minutes."

"I was trying to process the fact that the love of my life just told me he _loved_ me. I couldn't help but be a little… shocked."

"Indeed."

"I love you, t'hy'la." Kirk whispers as he snuggles further into Spock's side and releases a heavy, contented sigh.

Spock smiles, "And I, you, t'hy'la."

* * *

 **Well there you have it. This is the longest thing I have ever posted here and omg it took forever to write.**

 **I will apologize if some of the characters are a little OC but this is my first time writing a Star Trek fanfiction and I'm still trying to figure out the characters (since most of you know all my other stories are Inuyasha ones) but I did the best I could. And I hope I did you guys proud.**

 **By the way, I had no beta-reader this time so any errors or typos you find are completely my own and I don't really care because it is 2:31 am and I'm exhausted. So, if you see any let me know and I will fix it as soon as possible.**

 **I would love some feedback and I appreciate everyone who read this story. I hope you enjoyed and I will be back soon (coming from the girl who's been absent from for nearly three years). Anyways, until next time, byes! ^_^**


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